It's been exactly 32 days since I last blogged. And a lot has changed.

I don't know why, but the one thing I need constant in my life is reassurance. That everything will be okay. I realize everyone needs this, but I feel I'm more aware of it than others. 

I don't know why, but when I don't talk to people for a while the worry meter in the back of my head starts going off. And I hate how needy that makes me sound. Like I need my friends to tell me they need me so that I can go to sleep at night. 

I don't know why, but I'm kind of insecure. And I hate that I know it.

The thing is, I have no problem with being confident around people. It's around my friends where my insecurities grow. Which is completely ironic, considering your friends are supposed to love you for who you are despite your faults.

But that's probably why my insecurities get to me then. Because they're the ones I'm scared of losing most. 

I know it sounds ridiculous, but lately all I can think about is what my friends think of me. Like I'm being judged everytime we hang out. Which is stupid, stupid, stupid, because there's no reason for them to judge me. Even though I shouldn't feel that way, I just wish I didn't have to hold myself back sometimes.

I feel like everything is just so complicated. Like, we can't hang out and act stupid like we used to. I miss when we would make lame videos and when watching anime was all we did. I think that's why I'm still hoping we go camping. Because really, that weekend was just all about having fun like there wasn't anything to care about. Even though that was the summer, Nadine's parents found out about her having a girlfriend.

I always find myself amazed at how much has changed in a couple of months. I'm one of those people who clings as much as she can to how things used to be instead of embracing the new.

I'm sick of trying to please people who don't even deserve it. 

I'm pretty much going off tangent now, but I just wish this summer didn't have to end like this.

I wish I didn't read too much into things.