Sometimes

I wish I wasn’t so damn involved in so many activities/clubs/APs. From being choir president, spirit commissioner of key club, a confirmation leader, an SCO member, layout editor of the newspaper, and my school work, everything just gets sooo crazy sometimes. What if I hadn’t quit basketball? I miss it terribly sometimes, but I don’t think I’d be able to handle the workload.

Of course, I’d never regret taking any one of these spots because it’s who I am. I like to be involved. Hell, I don’t just like it; I love it.

But I would seriously love to just take a deep breath and enjoy what was happening. I was talking to Patricia about how last year choir was so fun because we weren’t the ones planning every single thing. Granted, this year’s choir is much successful performance-wise (sometimes) and getting people to actually come. But the two weeks prior to the concert, I could’ve been stabbed three times through the chest and I probably could care less.

I found out 2nd year retreat, Dustbowl, and the D3 benefit concert all fall under the same week. If only retreat was on the next weekend it would've been perfect. Finding this out seriously broke my heart and I wanted to just scream and complain and yell why the fuck  retreat had to be on the same day as  Dustbowl.  When I watched Dustbowl last year, I grew increasingly jealous as the girls on the field were having such a great time. I told myself I had to play next year. I can't pass up senior events like that again. And a chance to see FM perform again? Omg, no I can't miss it.

I really hope my sister will understand my missing Friday and Saturday morning of  retreat for this. It's not just me either. Michael, Patricia, Cassie, and Ashley don't want to miss Dustbowl. But I don't want to let my kids down either. I really don't want that.

I know the next couple months are gonna be so busy. I can already feel the tears coming out when I won’t get any sleep for two days trying to finish some paper or designing some flyer or making a concert program.

Senior year. Just please. Please be good to me.

6 More Months Till My Life Can Start

The title of this post gives off a kind of negative connotation towards how I perceive my high school life, but don't be mistaken. High school was a fucking blast. I made lifelong friends (technically in elementary, but you get the point), gained so much knowledge (from teachers yes, but not on the subjects they teach), and made incredible memories (HELL YES!).

But if there's anything I truly learned from high school it's that there's just this whole other world outside of the tiny town of Eagle Rock that I live in. There's just so much more I need to learn and experience and I want to do it already. I want to hop on the next plane to whatever city/country American Airlines will take me.

I've heard time and time again, "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up," and while I can already bet come June I'll be crying buckets about how it really is over, I can't help but get sick of this daily routine of attending pointless classes (FUCKING PSYCH), being surrounded by kids who I'm pretty sure have about 5% ambition (This obviously doesn't go for everyone, just a select few who don't know JACKSHIT), and repeat.

I think maybe it's because I have so many interests I want to consider when it comes to choosing my major for college that I'm so eager to try all the options I have that I feel this way. But yeah, this is pretty much what I've think about lately. What's going to happen in a couple months I guess. And so in approximately five months and ten days  I'll be walking the  at Oxy. The chapter of high school and Part One of my book will come to an end and Part Two and The College Years (Saved by the Bell!) will begin.

I already know I'm going to regret ever saying "I'm so over high school" because despite it being a measly four years of my life, they were a pretty damn good four years. So for now all I can hope for is a good next few months because I know it's all gonna happen in a blink of an eye.

The Year 2009

So 2009 is finally coming to an end. This year has been filled with... a lot of mixed emotions I guess. Ahaha. There's a lot of love and hate going on when I look back. A lot of staying a kid and growing up. A lot of trips to Disneyland. A lot of meeting new people. Experiencing my first love. And heartbreak I suppose. Applying to colleges. Just basically opening my eyes to what's to happen the next couple of months.

I feel a lot closer to my cousins this year. Mainly the Sicam side because well, I'm already close to my Alba side. I mean the Sicams are close, but this year I feel like we really made the effort to forget everything and just love each other. Because that's how it should be.

The other day I was thinking about the type of person I am and it really got me thinking about possible scenarios that may hold. For starters, I'm actually a very passive person. I mean I'm aggressive in the sense that I'll kick your ass if you do this, but not the initiator or serious type of stuff. I'll probably secretly hate you, but only because of that one time. I hate holding grudges or lingering from the past because the only thing you should be really doing is looking towards the future. And that's why I vow to never be the type of person to hold something against someone because who gives a shit now. I certainly wouldn't.

Along with the new year, I decided to tell that one guy my feelings since God knows. That I know nothing will happen, but for my own sake and sanity I really need to get it off my chest. Hah. I hope it doesn't get awkward. But you know that always happens. -.-

I should be getting ready to go to Disneyland, but I'll write a couple of my resolutions down.

1. Stop giving my parents such a hard time. My mom woke me up on New Years saying lecturing me on how I haven't done anything around the house and all I do is eat, sleep, poop, and go out. It sucked wake up to that, but it did make me feel bad so I guess it did it's job.
2. Get along more with my sister. I haven't spoken to my sister in two or three days due to this epic Twitter battle we had going on (She provoked it). Again. I let go quicker than she does, but her damn arrogant self makes it so hard to reconcile.
3. Help out around the house more. I'm fucking useless when it comes to chores and stuff. I need to start picking up my weight if I'm going to be living in a dorm when September comes rolling along.
4. Eat healthier (Less soda? No more sweets?). I don't remember the last time I ate a good solid meal. Enough said.
5. Learn my limits (In all aspects I suppose. HAHA). Yes, in all aspects such as drinking, going out late, arguing with my parents/sister. Anything really.
6. Tell my loved ones how much I love them. More than I already do!
7. Maintain my important friendships! <-- Muy importante!
8. Be more honest and upfront. First task: CONFESSION!
9. Write a lot in my moleskin. I know I'll look back and laugh/cry at the things I've written down.

This is all for now I suppose. Thank you God for 2010. To new starts. To new beginnings. And to a new year. (: