Tough Times

You know the sayings, "the glass is half empty or half full." I'd use one of those as my outlook on life right now, but somehow I'm stuck somewhere in between.

On one hand, I've always considered myself an optimist what with me having two perfectly good hands, arms, eyes, feet, etc. But on the other, there's all these problems with family and school. I really hate it. Shall I explain?

More than a month ago, my sister and I fought OVER MOTHERFUCKING text about something so unimportant I can't even recall all the details of why we were fighting. We both said a lot of nasty things though. things I'm sure we both regret saying. I'm pretty sure we're both over it (I am at least), but the only thing standing in our way is our damn big egos. I really miss telling her all my baggage though.

As for my parents, I don't know if it's just me being a brat or we really are getting on each other's nerves, but I snap so easily at my parents recently. It hurts me even more that I know I'm going to regret saying or doing whatever it is to my parents. I hate how independent I wish I was or want to be and yet all I really know how to do around the house is wash dishes and take out the trash. Even then I do it was disdain. All my parents really wanted me to do as a kid was study my ass off so I'd get a kickass education and not make an ass out of myself when I'm older.

Which brings me to why I fucking hate the UC system. Ugh, I feel like I totally just wasted $200 of my parent's money applying to schools that didn't even accept me. UCLA was one thing, since I really just did it "for the hell of it," but not getting into SD. Damn that hurt. I was really set on going there. I knew it was a hard school to get into, but fuck I really thought I had a chance getting in. Fuck my C's in school and that 1740 on my SATs. I didn't even get into SDSU. I feel like I totally fucked up on my application somehow. you know, maybe typed in caps "DON'T ACCEPT ME BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BENEFIT YOUR SCHOOL IN ANY WAY!!" or something like that. Really though, reading three rejections might have been too much for me to handle. That's why my only hope really is UCI. And I haven't heard from them in God knows how long.

Let me just firmly say that the UC system fucking sucks huge dick.

On a lighter note, going to retreat instead of Dustbowl was a fantastic choice. I got a lot closer to my kids, I felt good after doing my sharing, and I felt I spent my last confirmation retreat for a long time with some amazing people. I don't ever want to forget Nikole, Ashlee, Graham, Tiffany, John, Keith, Sofia, Sam, etc. Those kids are just too cool.

But it was also a bummer coming back to face three rejections. Really though, it was. I told my mom how I didn't want to go to school the following day and when she asked why I straight up told her, "I got three rejection letters." Then I started crying.

My mom's such a sweetheart. She went right into saying it was okay and trying to comfort me. Being the douche I am, however, I was giving her attitude about not getting into those schools and how I gave it my all (most of it anyway) and I was still rejected. It just doesn't make sense to me. I need to discuss this with my sister (if only I was talking to her.) I neeeeed to get into UCI. Like really bad.

I hate waiting patiently for something this important.

I should write my "white flag letter of apology" to my sister soon. Till next time.