I miss Small Shot

Dear Mary,

Here is your long awaited message and I hope it's a good one.

In some way, I'm writing this sort of as a blog, but during school when I felt like I couldn't tell Patricia or Nadine or any of them this kind of stuff, talking to you was the next best thing. So if it seems like I'm talking to myself, that's why. Haha. (:

Summer is truly a short time to do any of the things we've always anticipated to do. Aside from everyone else's schedules, the lazy summer days just get to us and we like to go with the flow. As much fun as I'm having, it still hasn't hit me we're all going our separate ways. It was only a month ago I was reassuring myself that I'll be friends with these people (7 pieces of 8 minus Cassie kind of) for the rest of my life. And it was only the day after graduation Patricia and Michelle pretty much stopped acknowledging each other. I feel completely helpless about this. As best friends we should be able to try to understand each other's points of view rather than disregard them. How can I have let this go this far that Patricia and Michelle stop talking? Sometimes I want to tell them how ridiculous they have been behaving, but I'm afraid it'll only upset them even more. Resulting in me being two friends less. Thus destroying the circle of friends I'd only really cry over.

This in turn, has also made me realize that high school was just that. High school. The rest of the years to come are the true tests of friendship. And I'm seriously afraid of the results. In all honesty, with you goes actually leaving and getting out of LA, I feel like I'm being left behind.

Most of my summer time every year has been spent with you guys, but this year is definitely different. You're in the Philippines right now and when you're in our country you live a good hour and a half away; Michelle Li spends time with family and the Asians; Michelle J has Michael and Adnan and stuff; Patricia stays at home or hangs with Susan and Irene and them; and then Nay and I hang out a lot with Michael, Chris, and Davis. It's weird. I really really need to hang out with Small Shot.

I really thought that since this was our last summer, we'd make an even greater effort to do everything we've always wanted to do, but in all honestly if anything, this summer has only taught us how to learn to be apart. I rely on my friends for everything, but everyone's just going there own ways. Patricia and Michelle don't even care than after this summer if they don't reconcile whatever the hell they're arguing about they might not talk for like ever. They haven't even written their yearbook inserts to each other. How sad is that? A friendship almost a decade long, just thrown away. It's fucking tragic.

Okay okay. I'm sorry for being fucking emo. Anyway, nothing really scandalous going on here. I wish I was having a summer fling with some super hot exotic foreign boy, but alas no. ): I miss you a lot, but I hope you're having a ton of in the Philippines! Don't waste your time there! Make sure you're making a bajillion of memories with all your family there because who knows when you'll see them next time right? (:

I love you, Mary, and I can't wait to hang out when you come back! :D